My head is swimming in a sea of anxiety... But my heart still floats! It's getting so close to departure that each passing day feels major. 18 days until I leave America, as of right now. I'm officially in the teens. Slowly but surely, I'm chipping away at my to-do list. Even so, it feels like every time I cross something off, I think of about 3 more things I need to do (一。一;;）As it stands, I should complete the following list within the next 2 weeks and 4 days.
 |
| *last updated: July 27* |
Get a haircutRSVP to Nashville Pre-Departure OrientationFinish dental workUpdate my tetanus shot- Start a YouTube account
Shop for new business clothesStock up on essential toiletries- Dye my roots
- Pack and send winter clothes to Japan
- Pack and send picture books to Japan
Ride horses on my granddad's farmHave dinner with a former JET & friend of my mom- Finish preparing my 15-minute introduction
- Print recent pictures of my house and family
Collect more Memphis memorabilia- Grant power of attorney to my dad
Get international driver's license from AAASet up payment for student loansReceive IRS form 6166Ask my bank about international card use- Ask my cell carrier about tethering on my iPhone
Set up lowest form of car insuranceImport pictures from my phone onto my laptop- Prepare a will
- Withdraw savings
Measure dimensions of my suitcases- Pack everything!
Crazy, right?! More things to do than days left! Alas, as my family tells me, it will all work out... Somehow. But the stress doesn't end at this list, oh no - that's just the beginning. I can find about a million more things to stress about, from what I'll wear on my first day of work to which omiyage I will give to whom. Another black cloud is the recurring thought that I have absolutely no teaching experience beyond an introductory education course I took in my last semester at college. I hope I'll be able to absorb all of the needed information at Tokyo Orientation...
All this pressure keeps me in a very nervous mental state which causes me to want to physically stagnate and lie around the house - it's been taking some serious determination to keep tackling these tasks. Even just thinking about everything I have to do exhausts me! But at the same time, I'm still super excited when I think of beginning this new chapter in my life. The excitement simply doesn't go away! So I'll do what I have to do. In a way, I wish I could just get past this preparation stage (that technically started about 9 months ago, when I sent in the extensive JET application) and fast-forward to the moment when I touch down in Shinjuku.
Since this process began, it has only become more daunting and more tedious... I hate to think about how it will all come to a head in the moment that I have to cry with my family as I leave them - all of us knowing that I won't be home for their birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Easter, nothing. It breaks all of our hearts at the thought and the sight of it in their eyes is becoming clearer as the departure date draws near. I don't doubt that it will be the most bittersweet moment of my life. My family is everything to me... including my cat, Botan. She'll have to live with my dad for a year. I know he'll take really good care of her but I haven't been away from her since I got her on my own in my sophomore year of college, 2 and half years ago. It will be pretty hard, considering that I LOVE HER and I'm so used to coming home to her everyday :c I can barely stand to think about it... And I can't even grasp being away from my family. I guess all I can do right now is take one thing at a time. Each little thing, one at a time.
I watched Sleeping With the Enemy the other day and you know when Julia Roberts first sees her new boyfriend singing in the backyard? He's singing that song from West Side Story, the Jet Song, and it struck me. I had to look up all of the lyrics (since I'm not familiar with the show) and one part goes "You're never alone. You're never disconnected. You're home with your own. When company's expected, you're well protected. Then you are set with a capital J which you'll never forget 'til they cart you away. When you're a Jet, you stay a Jet!" That's the only part that could actually relate to the JET Program but I still found it to be a pretty cute connection. Thinking about it, I felt refreshed in the realization that all of us 2013 JETs are going through the same emotions right now... and all of the JETs before us understand too, like no one else can. The acknowledgement of this bond really assures me everything is going to be okay and what I'm feeling is totally normal. The JET community is a very warm, welcoming, special one that I'm proud to be a part of. Plus, I feel the support of so many people in my life. I feel deeply loved and genuinely lucky to have so many positive forces in my life, on top of the amazing opportunity of the JET Program in itself.
As you can tell, I'm feeling a mixed bag of all kinds of things right now - stressed, anxious, nervous, exhausted, driven, inspired, overwhelmed, thankful, anticipatory, curious, enthusiastic, hopeful. This entire process has been, is, and will continue to be an emotional roller coaster. I know that and it does scare me, but it excites me just as much! So much so that it keeps me up nights. In fact, it's 3 AM and I should be getting some sleep since I have a haircut scheduled for tomorrow (along with a few other errands, of course)... Until next time! n_~
I watched Sleeping With the Enemy the other day and you know when Julia Roberts first sees her new boyfriend singing in the backyard? He's singing that song from West Side Story, the Jet Song, and it struck me. I had to look up all of the lyrics (since I'm not familiar with the show) and one part goes "You're never alone. You're never disconnected. You're home with your own. When company's expected, you're well protected. Then you are set with a capital J which you'll never forget 'til they cart you away. When you're a Jet, you stay a Jet!" That's the only part that could actually relate to the JET Program but I still found it to be a pretty cute connection. Thinking about it, I felt refreshed in the realization that all of us 2013 JETs are going through the same emotions right now... and all of the JETs before us understand too, like no one else can. The acknowledgement of this bond really assures me everything is going to be okay and what I'm feeling is totally normal. The JET community is a very warm, welcoming, special one that I'm proud to be a part of. Plus, I feel the support of so many people in my life. I feel deeply loved and genuinely lucky to have so many positive forces in my life, on top of the amazing opportunity of the JET Program in itself.
As you can tell, I'm feeling a mixed bag of all kinds of things right now - stressed, anxious, nervous, exhausted, driven, inspired, overwhelmed, thankful, anticipatory, curious, enthusiastic, hopeful. This entire process has been, is, and will continue to be an emotional roller coaster. I know that and it does scare me, but it excites me just as much! So much so that it keeps me up nights. In fact, it's 3 AM and I should be getting some sleep since I have a haircut scheduled for tomorrow (along with a few other errands, of course)... Until next time! n_~
No comments:
Post a Comment